I'm not Billy Joel, I swear!!

Oft-trouble singer George Michael just keeps getting into some mess or another, who can forget his arrest for soliciting in a men’s restroom? Well, now the former heartthrob has Wham!med his Range Rover into the back of a truck whilst driving in England and, yes, alcohol is believed to be a part of this particular mix. ”He came over to my cab and asked if I had stopped to give him a lift,” the incredulous trucker told London’s Sun newspaper. “He was absolutely not with it, so I told him no. But he insisted and tried to get in.

Another oft-trouble singer/musician, Billy Joel, who’s known for his frawesome songs, his many lost loves and, since the millennium, his frequent car accidents, was purported to have been across the pond in the States at the time of the accident.

Poor Charles Barkley has been arrested for DUI in Arizona. According to TMZ, he actually told the cops that the reason he ran a stop sign was that he was in a hurry to get some lovin’ of the oral variety. Seems Charlie had spotted a young lady on the corner who had serviced him in that way a week earlier and “liked it, loved it, and wanted some more of it,” to quote a Tim McGraw song.

Cops also found a gun in Barkely’s car. No word on whether the handgun was loaded, too, or whether Charles will learn to keep his pecker in his pocket from now on. Ahhh…..probably not.

Actor Ryan O’Neal and his son Redmond have been arrested for drug possession in Malibu. Sheriff’s deputies were doing a routine visit to make sure that Redmond was keeping to the terms of his probation. Redmond apparently had a vial of what the deputies believe to be methamphetamines and a similar substance was found in Ryan’s bedroom.

Ryan, 63, and Redmond, 23, were taken into custody. They have both been released after posting $10,000 bail.

Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, what with Redmond’s half-sister Tatum being charged for a drug-related offense on July 1.

Chritian Bale, recently arrested for allegedly assaulting his mother and sister is refusing to talk about the incident, claiming that it is a “private matter.”

Sorry, Chris, but when you are the star of one of the Big Summer Blockbusters of ‘08, everything you do is interesting to the press, and the fact that you have gotten into some legal trouble just turns the spotlight on you even more intently.

There really should be some kind of a celebrity manual that is issued as soon as people start to know who you are so that these people know that they can’t choose to work in such a public medium and still have privacy when they decide they want to be left alone. If they didn’t want people to pay attention to them, they would have chosen a different type of work.

Shia LaBoeuf becomes the latest celebrity who was convinced that he was “OK to drive” after downing a few. The Transformers actor was arrested on suspicion of impaired driving charges after being involved in an accident early yesterday morning.

Shia’s truck flipped over after being involved in a two-car collision that took place at the corner of Fountain and La Brea in Hollywood at around 2:24 a.m. LaBoeuf suffered injuries to his head and hand, and has undergone surgery to correct the hand injury. He is expected to return to the Transformers set in about a month.

If the allegations are true, Christian Bale, the star of the Dark Knight has been behaving more like the Prince of Darkness. Bale has apparently been arrested for assaulting his mother, age 61, and his 40-year-old sister.

“A 34-year-old man attended a London Police Station on Tuesday by appointment and was arrested in connection with an allegation of assault. He currently remains in custody,” a rep for Britain’s Scotland Yard confirms. No doubt he’ll blame it on the pressures of being famous or some lame excuse like that.

Comedian Andy Dick lives up to his name by getting arrested at 2 a.m. in front of a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant. The “heavily intoxicated” comedian allegedly groped a 17-year old girl’s breasts and then proceeded to pull the teen’s top and bra down so that her rack was exposed.

Police found marijuana in Dick’s pocket, along with a Xanax tablet that he didn’t have a prescription for. The dumbass is being charged with sexual battery and possession. Here’s a lesson for all you impressionable kids out there: Don’t be a Dick.

Academy Award winning actress Tatum O’Neal was arrested after attempting to buy crack cocaine just a few blocks from her home in lower Manhattan.

Last night, around 7:30 Tatum narcs spied Tatum making the transaction and hauled her stupid ass to jail. And mind you, she already lost her kids and her marriage because of drugs and made a big deal of “coming clean.” She says it was because of an acting role, but I’m calling b.s. When are these idiots going to learn?

She’s being charged with criminal possession of a controlled substance and will be arraigned today.

We’ll bring you that mugshot as soon as we get it.

Dumbass.

1. OJ. Simpson

Before he was the man who got away with murder, OJ Simpson was a famous football player. That’s all in the past now. For some reason a jury disregarded such details as DNA and bloody footprints and instead focused on a shrunken glove. Not to worry, OJ screwed up again, and this time the authorities are going to make sure he gets what’s coming to him in his upcoming assault and robbery trial.

2. Wesley Snipes

Blade is about to do some serious time for tax evasion. He received the maximum three year sentence after refusing to pay millions in taxes. Now he has to pay fines, legal fees and spend time behind bars. Sort of makes that whole protest thing not really worth it.

3. Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson’s arrest was especially fun because we learned that not only does he like his liquor, but he’s an anti-Semite too. Apologies and reaching out to community ensued and now Mel loves everyone.

4. Robert Downey, Jr.

Robert Downey, Jr. Should actually be numbers 4, 5 & 6 since he’s been arrested so many times. Each time for drugs. Look at how much fun he was having being arrested.He seems to have learned his lesson this time, it took only how many arrests to get it?

5. Zsa Zsa Gabor

No one arrests Zsa Zsa! Or so she thought before she was arrested for slapping a police officer after being caught driving with an expired license. Poor Zsa Zsa was treated poorly because the jury wasn’t made up of her peers. “It was not my class of people. There was not a producer, a press agent, a director, an actor.”Sucks to be you Zsa Zsa.

6. Tonya Harding

Tonya Harding didn’t make it as a figure skating so she thought she’d try her hand as a career criminal instead and she appears to have found her calling. Besides her arrest for conspiracy after she her ex husband hired someone to kneecap her competition, Tonya’s been arrested for drunk driving and assault. She can sure keep it interesting.

7. Kid Rock

Kid Rock doesn’t play. Get in his face at the Waffle House and he’ll throw down. In fact, Kid’s been arrested a couple of times for fighting. Sounds like time for anger management classes.

8.Matthew McConaughey

In 1999 Matthew McConaughey was arrested for possession of marijuana and resisting arrest. Did I mention the naked bongo playing. Must have been a fun arrest.  Matthew thought so too – see how happy he is in his mug shot?

9. Haley Joel Osment

He may see dead people but too bad Haley Joel Osment can’t see the cops coming. He was arrested for drunk driving and marijuana possession in 2006 after crashing his car. The biggest surprise wasn’t the drinking or drugs but the revelation that Haley Joel drives a Saturn.

10. Pee Wee Herman

Oh what a scandal it was when Pee Wee Hermean was arrested in 1991 after he was caught masturbating in a triple X theater. We’re happy to report Pee Wee bought himself a VCR soon after so he could whack off in the privacy of his own home.

11. 50 Cent

As a teen, Fiddy was a drug dealer and was arrested for selling heroin and crack. As a grown up he was arrested for assault. We’re so glad to see he’s moving on to more mature crimes.

12. Frank Gotti Agnello

Frank “Gotti” Agnello is the son of Victoria Gotti and grandson of John Gotti. Though he was arrested for drug possession, we think the real crime is his haircut. (We realize we’re pushing it with the celebrity thing with this one.)

13. Trey Anastasio

The former Phish frontman was arrested for possessing quite the stash including heroin, percoset and hydrocodone.

14. Daniel Baldwin

Oh those crazy Baldwin brothers, what will they do next? Daniel was arrested in 2007 after stealing his buddy’s SUV. After the police caught up with him they found drugs and paraphernalia. Note to self: When stealing a friend’s car, leave the stash at home.

15. Foxy Brown

Though she was already attending anger management classes, they apparently didn’t take since Foxy was arrested for throwing hair glue at a beauty shop patron and slapping the investigating officer. The first time she was arrested it was for attacking a couple of manicurists. We’re thinking Foxy needs to keep away from hair salons.

16. Glen Campbell

Glen Campbell, why so angry? Could it be because after you were arrested for hit and run you had an aggravated assault charge tacked on for kneeing the arresting officer? It’s tough being a rhinestone cowboy.

17. Jane Fonda

Arrested after a large sash of vitamins were mistaken for drugs, Jane kicked the officer at the scene. All charges were eventually dropped but Jane’s memorable mug shot lives on.

18. Leif Garrett

Leif Garrett doesn’t look like he’s having fun at all, no siree. But then if you’ve been arrested as many times as this fallen teen idol, you might be a little pissed too.  For this particular arrest in 2006, Leif was arrested after trying to get on the subway for free – and being found in possession of heroin.

19. Hugh Grant

You’d look like this too if your girlfriend was Elizabeth Hurley and she was about to find out you were caught with your pants around your ankles and a hooker’s head in your lap.

20. Michael Jackson

Thank goodness Michael Jackson remembered his wig and makeup for this mugshot when he was arrested for a whole slew of child endangerment charges.  We shudder to think of what he’d look like without it.

21. Larry King

Larry King’s deer in the headlights look is caused by him being arrested after passing bad checks. Don’t worry folks, he has a good job now.

22. Bai Ling

We’re not sure if Bai Ling is sad because she was arrested or because she just broke up with her boyfriend, which was the excuse she gave after ripping off batteries from an airport convenience store.

23. Duley Moore

The late comedic actor was arrested in 1994 after beating up his girlfriend. She dropped the charges and married him anyway.

24. Al Pacino

Arrested when he was 21 for carrying a concealed weapon, the charges were later dropped after Pacino explained to the nice officers he needed the gun for an acting part.

25. Mickey Rourke

In 2007, Mickey Rourke was arrested for bad plastic surgery. Ok. That’s not true, but it should be. He was really arrested for driving under the influence.

Don’t try these at home folks.