Don’t mind my back

We’re sure someone in rapper Kanye West’s camp got a hold of the performer and slapped him silly over his self-absorbed tirade last night at the MTV Video Music Awards.

He’s “SOOOOO SORRY” for dissing country singer Taylor Swift by interrupting her acceptance speech for Best Female Video, he said on his Web site last night. 

“I’m in the wrong for going on stage and taking away from her moment,” he wrote. “Beyonce’s video was the best of this decade . . . I’m sorry to my fans if I let you guys down . . . I’m sorry to my friends at MTV . . . I will apologize to Taylor.” 

C’mon, doesn’t Dude sound like he was taken to the woodshed? And still, he disses Taylor Swift’s winning video.

Hours before he posted his apology on his Web site (classy!), West had stormed the stage and wrestled the microphone from the 19-year-old winner: “Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’m a [sic] let you finish, but Beyond had one of the best videos of all time,” he ranted.

Cue boos from the audience.

Beyonce, meanwhile, was in the audience and stunned at the diatribe. Later when B was accepting an award, she brought Taylor onstage so she could give her speech uninterrupted. 

After the rant, Pink was escorted away when she walked over to West to give him a piece of her mind. She tweeted “Kanye west is the biggest piece of s*** on earth. Quote me.”

OK.

Initially, Swift was psyched that the rapper had joined her on stage, she said after the incident. 

“And then I wasn’t so excited anymore after that,” she said. Still, the classy Swift said she holds no ill will toward West and his asshole behavior. But one observer backstage, Neil Armstrong, Jay-Z’s DJ, NOT the astronaut, tweeted that Swift was seen crying backstage with her mom.

But, she got over it with a lil’ help from Beyonce and others.

“I’ve been getting so many text messages and everybody’s been really nice. So I’ve had a really, really fun night. It’s been interesting definitely. It’s definitely been an interesting night.”

Judge Jessica??

Joe Simpson thinks his daughter Jessica + “American Idol” would be a purrfect matchin a Post-Paula show universe, the N.Y. Post reports. Pops, Jess’ manager and a former minister, has been shopping around the idea for Jessica to replace Paula. We’d watch that. How about you?

Michael Jackson is expected to finally be buried on Aug. 29.

Joe Jackson, father of the late King of Pop Michael Jackson, spilled the beans to the New York Daily News about the Jackson family plan to bury their beloved MJ on what would have been the singer’s 51st birthday. Specifically, the paper reported, at 10 a.m. Aug. 29 in the Forest Lawn Cemetery in Hollywood Hills, Calif. MJ has been residing above ground inside a chillier confine, awaiting the family’s decision. (Jermaine Jackson pushed for a Neverland resting place, but family members weren’t buying it)

On a related MJ note, Joe Jackson expressed support for the LAPD investigation into his son’s death, but had a small concern regarding Dr. Conrad Murray, Michael’s personal physician. Papa Jackson said he hoped law enforcement officials wouldn’t make Murray, “the fall guy for a whole lot of people.”

Vanessa: I heart you Zac... Let's tie the knot!

Maybe they will, maybe they won’t, but just the prospect of it is enough to keep gossipholics hooked – Are High School Musical stars Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens really going to get hitched? Seriously, we can only imagine the sounds of a gazillion pubescent hearts breaking, if the news were true that Zac, 21, would become Mr. Hudgens. And that’s a big IF. 

“We haven’t set a date and if we did, we’d keep it secret for as long as possible,” Vanessa told the News of the World. “Why? What if one of us was offered a major film part? Then we’d have to postpone our marriage and people would say we’d split up. And we don’t want that.”

Oh my, WE wouldn’t want that.

Whoa, let’s rewind a bit to the 20-year-old’s logic: First comes movies, then comes marriage?

Love. It.

Glamorati begs you, Zanessa, make our year and get thee to a judge or clergyperson … STAT!!

I'm not Billy Joel, I swear!!

Oft-trouble singer George Michael just keeps getting into some mess or another, who can forget his arrest for soliciting in a men’s restroom? Well, now the former heartthrob has Wham!med his Range Rover into the back of a truck whilst driving in England and, yes, alcohol is believed to be a part of this particular mix. ”He came over to my cab and asked if I had stopped to give him a lift,” the incredulous trucker told London’s Sun newspaper. “He was absolutely not with it, so I told him no. But he insisted and tried to get in.

Another oft-trouble singer/musician, Billy Joel, who’s known for his frawesome songs, his many lost loves and, since the millennium, his frequent car accidents, was purported to have been across the pond in the States at the time of the accident.

Behold: 15 Celebrities Who Sang But Shouldn’t Have

1. Leonard Nimoy

Did no one think this was a bad idea?

Mr.Spock’s Music from Outer Space? Guess he wasn’t worried about typecasting or anything. And speaking of:

WTF? A song about a Hobbit? And who are those women? Do they really think that’s what Hobbits do? (A hat tip to my brother in law Mark who sent me this video.)

2. Clint Eastwood

Would we expect Clint Eastwood to sing anything less than cowboy favorites? Really, who better than the Pale Rider to Yippee Ki Yay from your turntable.

And Clint likes to sing in his movies too.

Check out our hero singing “When I Sing About You” from the movie “Honky Tonk Man”.

3 Paris Hilton

Let’s hope those stars are deaf too.

4. Sylvester Stallone

You just knew this would be bad, didn’t you. Sly has sung on film a couple of times an it’s never been good, he sang the theme song to “Paradise Alley” and who can expect his classic with Dolly Parton, “Rhinestone”. Pretty awful yet it wasn’t enough for him to stop. Give a listen with the Hollywood Hi Fi guys. Go on, take it all in. Sings just like he talks, doesn’t he?

5. Eddie Murphy

Eddie Murphy has so much fun in his video, doesn’t he? He’s just a dancing and a singing…

Except it sounds like his girlfriend has to “potty all the time”. I’m not surprised Eddie tried for a singing career. In the 80’s the world felt Eddie could do no wrong and bought everything with his name on it.

6. Robert Mitchum

Even Hollywood tough guy Robert Mitchum cut an album – and he doesn’t sound so tough here. Check out this video, again from Hi Fi Hollywood.

He really gets his Calypso on, doesn’t he? What a fun guy Robert Mitchum is.

7. Joey Lawrence

It wasn’t enough playing a dim witted big brother, Joey Lawrence had to further explore the limits of teen heartthrob-dom to record a CD.

How about that badass rap at the end? Judging by the song and video, we’re thinking fans weren’t flocking to Tower Records because Joey could sing. If he wasn’t so adorable, would so many screaming 8 year olds have bought the disc?

8. Danny Bonaduce

He didn’t sing or play his own instruments on television, yet someone thought it would be a good idea for him to make an album. Folks, this is literally the album they couldn’t give away.

I couldn’t find a video of Danny singing on any variety shows or videos, but thankfully the Hollywood Hi Fi guys came through with an excerpt of Danny singing “Feeling Groovy.” Listen at your own risk.

9. Chris Burke

Corky sings!

And check him out getting down with his bad self.

10. Corey Feldman

Corey looks so edgy on the cover doesn’t he?

No. Just, no.

11. Kristy & Jimmy McNichol

It was bad enough Kristy had to sing, but did she have to drag her brother into it?

Really, how could anyone think this was a good idea?

12. Brigitte Nielsen

After listening to Brigitte sing, is it any wonder she’s now doing really bad reality shows?

I can see now why she was hitting the bottle.

13. Joe Pesci

What do you mean, funny? Funny how?

14. Keanu Reeves

Keanu Reeves likes to rock out with his band Dogstar.

The band shouldn’t have let the famous guy sing.

15. Mr. T

Mr. T can’t sing but he has a good message.

Treat your mom right and you too may grow up to wear too much jewelry and record bad music.